this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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