dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
