Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
