I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
