A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
