I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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