Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
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I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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