I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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