4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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