So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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