She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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