Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
