I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
