Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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