I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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