butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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