I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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