Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
