Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
3 2 1 whiskey
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
