Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
