Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize