He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We don't watch enough power rangers
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blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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