i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
