I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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