Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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