I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
