you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
