Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
