Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
