another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
