Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
