I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
