Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
