youre lurking in front of me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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