Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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