The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
