I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
