we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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