You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
