I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You ruined the universe
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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