my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
