Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
