There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
