Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
