I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
