I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
