just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have fence marks all over my body
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
