apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
