apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
