just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
