If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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