so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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