Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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