so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
