this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am mentally ready for anal.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
