I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
