You smell like stripper and shame
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
